The View From The Ocean's Edge

Sooooooooo the last you heard from me I was planning a series of baking attempts and posts as I was working for an application to the Great Canadian Baking Show....

Then I worked 21 days straight, and even after that the combination of the two jobs and trying to squeeze in a bit of baking and bookkeeping in between has left little time for blogging.

I think we can probably safely say, that as filming was planned to happen May-June, that I didn't get a spot this year, I am thinking I still, at this juncture, want to continue to work towards a placement next year.

Of course if they actually viewed this blog as part of the selection criteria, well I haven't exactly been keeping it up, and certainly the only post that I put up regarding the competition was a failure. I never did get posted the "laminated pastry in 3 hours" post... which was a win. Or the Potato Bread one. Or even Black Forest Cake for Mother's Day post. Ah well I can only keep doing what I do.... and given the choice of baking or writing about baking, the baking will always win.

In other depressing news, the wee inexpensive building next to the national park, that would have been perfect for my Big Black Dog Cafe, (which was all part of the 'must win Baking Competition' obsession) has been bought. It's a sadness, but honestly without a competition win, or a lottery win, it wasn't going to happen this year anyway.

The combination of the two has left me floundering a bit .... I don't enjoy the work I'm doing, but the income is necessary, but it's not leaving a lot of room emotionally, physically, temporally, or financially, for stuff I *want* to be doing. Building the house, sending the Feychild to school in England, my cafe, or even gardening, knitting, reading,..... *anything*. So I'm feeling a bit trapped in a black hole. But James and I are in this together and we keep on slogging, and maybe, just maybe .... eventually we'll figure our way out of it. I just kinda hope it happens before we're too old and weak and addle minded to enjoy it. In the meantime, I'm looking for a new idea, Plan, obsession, to hang my hope on.

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Oh and as you know.... there's been changes to LiveJournal's TOS, that has a lot of people leaving. Honestly, I haven`t been reading at LJ regularly for a couple years now - much as I hate FB it really has become my point of contact with a lot of people. As for posting that comes too from my own blog space, and dreamwidth and they`re all crossposted to each other. If I can eventually manage to figure out new image hosting (I have been continuing to use scrapbook for all my image hosting) ... I may end my LJ account for these privacy reasons. But migrating all my photos is gonna take a looong time, so that may not happen any time soon. It will be sad if it does.... 15 years I`ve been there, 15 years since a certain person I will never speak to again convinced me to try this idea that sounded hideous to me (yeah really I am NOT a big fan of change....) 10 years at least since I made that account permanent..... OK enough being maudlin.... I haven`t decided, and it`ll be a lot of work before its ready to happen if I do and besides it`s not like I`m leaving cyberspace..... LOL

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Woah..... six months since I last posted?? How insane is that?

Ok, it's been a busy six months. Getting my feet back under me after the whole health thing in April.... good news is that at my 3 month check up we reduced my meds by half the numbers were that good, the bad news is that coming up on my 6 month check in I've gotten sloppy about my record keeping, the numbers I think should still be good, but I need to keep my spreadsheets up to date. Also, having trouble keeping to the exercise routine - working nights makes scheduling havoc. Good news is I've lost 50 lbs - well 75 if you count the highest I hit (2 yrs ago), bad news is that seems to have plateaued now. Maybe getting the exercise routine more routine will help that. Good news is no apparent nerve damage in the feet or the eyes, eye doc made me buy glasses for driving, can't stand wearing them all the time (same story of my life), but I do wear em for driving and sometimes watching TV. Bad news is I think I'm fighting another case of plantar fasciitis (had it once 30 yrs ago), combined with the arthritis that is always present, the pain in my feet, especially when working, is excruciating. Unfortunately the only cure is rest and time, rest I won't get - my job requires me to be on my feet 8 hours a night. And as for time - been going on 2 months now. I'm hoping that a couple light weeks over the holidays will help. I'd been thinking about the diagnosis, the scheduling and now the foot thing and talking to the doctor when my 6 month review comes up about getting me onto Employment Insurance on medical grounds. However, that's a risky proposition - I'd been meaning to have a market stall for the the cordials and drinks up and running for the Christmas boost, but it just didn't happen in time, so that's going to have to wait until the spring.

Which leads to the always difficult money discussion. Finding work for us both, while only part time, did mean we were out of the fire so to speak - there was still a lot of detritus in it's wake that needed cleaning up. Still it wasn't BAD, just .. not good. We figured a small mortgage - clean up the financial mess and the house mess and get both houses in order. Didn't quite work out that way, almost a year of headaches and false starts and ..... stress, we ended up in a mortgage situation that was by all accounts toxic, but at least it would be something to build on. But it wasn't what we needed to clear the house situation, although it did take care of the bad debts, but the terms were horrific and it cost us almost $10K to get there. This year we went looking for a better deal..... well it IS better ... its a fast pay out at least, but we're into another $8K just to land the deal, still no money to work on the house and the payments are double. It does put us seriously into the "we're gonna be eating a lotta kraft dinner and hot dogs" territory. The new lender does have a different approach and is all very patronizing and paternalistic in their approach and is all "you naughty children, we're doing this for your own good and..." yeah. But... again the process dragged out to the point where our feet were to the fire and there wasn't a lot of choice in the matter. Good news is it IS a fast pay out, it was a bit of a wake up call regarding personal business stuff here, and it's a 5 yr term, so we don't have to go through this again next year unless we want to pursue a better loan option. The frustrating part is that each time we go through this process it costs us thousands, and we're now into a $45K loan situation and still have never seen the $15K we needed to the work on the house, and until we put the work into the property, we're not going to see an increase in the value to extend any further credit to. The payments are deep enough that I just can't risk taking any kind of medical leave from work. I'm just going to have to suffer through it, and hope it starts clearing up and pray that something better turns up that'll get me off my feet.

Yeah a bit depressing.

That said. Here's the important bit. James and I are madly in love. I *am* managing my health well, we're stressed but we have each other and Jessica and the dogs and our friends and our volunteer work - we've got the important stuff. The rest is just money. And as much as our lender would sneer to hear us say it - it IS just money, and money has never been that important to us (I suppose that's how we ended up here). We've lived through NO employment, NO welfare, and selling off furniture to eat. We've had money and spent it, and we've been broke and done without. We will get through this, things will get better, and we are on our way OUT of the mess, it just wasn't quite as neat and tidy as a nice wee $55K mortgage at 7.5% over 20 yrs and $450/mnth. MAYBE if we can keep this going for a year or two, and pay it down some, and put the bad debt further in the past ... we can eventually find a lender willing to do $65K at 7.5% over 20 yrs... that puts us in the $500/mnth range ($600 with taxes) .... which is a $200/mnth saving over where we're at now, and will actually get the work done on the house. The new lender would have a cow - they're all very "NO DEBT, NO DEBT, NOOOOOOO DEBT!!!" and I'll agree, no, or little debt is a very fine goal and one we DO keep in front of us, but ya know - adding heat to the upstairs is also a very fine goal. And if we keep to the payment schedule and are able to dump a little extra cash into it now and again we might even be able to keep that down to the original $50K plan - now that would be nice, but I'm also keeping in mind that sometime in the next 5 yrs we're gonna need a new roof as well.

The other carrot we're keeping in front of our noses, is the promise we made to Jessica to do all we can to get her into Aardman Studio's Master Class in Character Animation for the 2018 semester. Between her savings (if we can keep our paws off it) and our savings (yeah right) and maybe a little help from family, and a GoFundMe we can make that happen. We've already had some very kind help getting her a kiln to work on her character sculptures - which should be paid back in the next week.

So right now it's just getting through the holidays, always a busy time personally and financially, waiting on the mortgage and how much out of pocket that's going to be, waiting on the income tax - hopefully any day now, waiting on another cheque and a couple of larger contract jobs James has in the pipes to pay out, and get David's airline ticket for the holidays and arrange the time off to go pick him up and....

Taking today to clean the decks, catch up the paperwork, turn over a fresh page and make sure nothing gets lost in the hustle and bustle. There's still a lot of plans on deck, stuff in the pipeline so to speak. Much to do on the PETSCORT scene and I'll talk a bit about James plan to do Fixit workshops at the market, possibly alternating with me doing a set of DIY workshops, sticking our toes into the whole Maker / Teacher / Workshop coordination "Nouveau Arts and Crafts Movement" vision.

Speaking of which ... this was supposed to be a Market Day Post but *snerk* it went in an entirely other direction. That's ok... Market Day Post and recipe coming up.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Yes, it's been two weeks since I sat down and put words into some kind of a cohesive order here.

I have about a half a dozen notes here on my desktop about 'blog posts I should be writing', or just plain things I'd like to share with you, and other rambling thoughts. So, the chances are very good that you're going to get all, or most, of them in one long in-cohesive post.

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Michael Ruhlman wrote a very interesting article a little while back about bringing chefs into hospices, to create meals for the clients. I was deeply moved by and taken with the idea. As Ruhlman says, "because meals are about family as much as they are about food, and last meals are important." However, reading the article what i don't get a sense of is how often this is done. Are these event meals? Once a week special nights? Or have the created a system where every evening meal is this sort of family meal? What I think I'd like to see, what ought to be done (if it isn't what they're doing now) is bringing the chefs in to help create menus and planning and teaching cooking staff the techniques so that every evening meal in hospice care can be this kind of family moment. Sitting down for a meal as a family shouldn't have to be an occasion or event for those in hospice, but something that's just there, a quiet background thing that removes one more stress from the family, removes one more barrier from that feeling of 'home'.

I hope that's what they're doing.

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Poverty. Kathleen Kerridge writes this article on the face of poverty today. And this follow up article about all the stupid things that get said when you start talking about poverty. While Kathleen is based in Britain these are still valuable and enlightening reads, the numbers and systems may differ some between our countries, but the truths don't. They're eye-opening if poverty isn't something you know; understand or have experienced. If poverty is something you have an intimate relationship with it's good to hear you're not alone.

For me, personally, aside from a period of about two years of my life, 'working poor' was the correct demographic description, but what it boiled down to was we were and are now, poor. We were and are exceptionally fortunate that James family was able and willing to help us out (albeit with a scolding), and that within a week of being turned down for social assistance I found part time work. Oddly enough we were denied assistance because I'd cashed in what meager retirement savings I had, and in playing shell games with credit accounts to stretch things out as best we could - we couldn't adequately explain later where/how that money was spent. The thing of it is, I read Kathleen's article I find myself more sympathetic to her poverty as "no fault of her own", after all she didn't choose to be ill. I'm less forgiving of myself and am inclined still to be embarrassed by and apologetic for our poverty, which can be directly attributed to certain choices I've / we've made over the years. My children grew up in poverty because I *chose* to leave my first marriage, oh I had hopes and dreams and potentials when I left, but the 'poor' came ultimately because of that choice, and choices I made later. Later on, our current situation is a direct result of my *choice* to leave my employer on March 3rd 2010 and thus effectively committed professional suicide. I didn't think it would turn out that way, however, it did, and it was a direct result of my choices. In the end the relationships I ended that landed us in this mess were abusive ones, but that doesn't make my abusers responsible for my choices. The thing of it is, I don't want it to sound all noble "I'm poor because I chose a higher moral ground', but nor do I want it to be "it's all your own damn fault!". In the end I did what I had to do for me, I didn't want it to turn out this way and we work daily to move forward from here, but it's neither to be commended or condemned - it simply is. I need to learn to be more forgiving of myself.

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Writing. I've been thinking a lot of late of favourite phrases. I've long had a fairly short list of favourite words; turtle is one, I love the bumpy chewy texture of it in my mouth; but the list of favourite phrases is longer yet I haven't really written about that. Sometimes they're catchy and people (myself included) will use them as tag lines, but more often than not they just simply illustrate a point - succinctly or amusingly or with a particular panache. As a writer a well crafted phrase, an elegant painting of words, is a beautiful thing and I tend to collect them. I'll often laugh out loud a little in delight upon discovering them, some of them I've written, some I've collected elsewhere. So in no particular order:

He couldn't manage his way out of a paper bag without a lamp and a Labrador (mine)

She ain't pretty she just looks that way.(Northern Pikes)

A plethora of famished cliches. (Jack)

Quasi-superfluously noncommital. (Ken)

Sooooooooooo really not so very rambly.... there was a looooooooooooooong interesting bit that's been rambling around in my head for a while on art, artisans, arts and crafts, Ayn Rand, Pierre Berton and The Plan®........ but after 2 days of writing on it - the computer ATE that part. I know I know *sigh*, 'save your work, save your work often.'

Anyway, it eventually grew to a point where it really deserves a post of it's own, so I'll have to try and recapture the spirit of the thing again tomorrow :)

Til then.....

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

... And a bright and shiny new year full of promise and possibility awakens, (complete with the first proper big fluffy flakes winter wonderland snowfall of the season). Seems like every year we seem all too glad to kick the old year out the door and welcome the new one. I don't think it was really 2014's fault it was a bit of a dud.... I think maybe we just wore it out, and by Dec 31st it's looking tired and shabby and 2015 feels much brighter.

It's true - 2014 was NOT the bright year we'd hoped for back on Jan 1st. If 2013 had been tough, 2014 was a slow descent from 'this doesn't look good, into some kind of scary places'. That said I can't completely knock '14, we have a roof over our heads - which while it is kinda scary the maintenance it needs that it isn't getting, it isn't falling in on our heads yet, and while tight finances and stress as a whole take their toll, we still have our health for the most part, and we have each other, and while we may have been a bit distant at times lost in our individual thoughts and worries, we've never wavered in our love and faith in each other.

We hit our deepest low in November when we were turned down for social assistance. However, The Feychild's application was approved (hers being separate as she's an adult now, and technically qualifies for Room and Board), and then shortly thereafter I found part time work. The business at the Market wasn't quite as grand for the holiday season as we'd hoped, but it was steady and it was growing, even if not in leaps and bounds, and there are still a few pieces on the table for January so we're hoping it continues to progress. All that and another helping hand from the parents (hopefully for the last time) and we had a more comfortable holiday than we thought we would, and we start 2015 feeling a bit like we've turned a corner and it may just get better from here.

Cautiously optimistic.

A friend recently said, her only New Year's Resolution in 2014 was to finish the year healthier than when it started, and would be putting the same Resolution forward for 2015. That seems right to me ... that all I really want out of 2015 is to end it in a better place then we're starting it.

Ain't no miracle bein' born
People doin' it everyday
Ain't no miracle growin' old
People just roll that way

So it goes like it goes and the river flows
And time it rolls right on
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better
And maybe what's bad gets gone

Bless the child of the workin' man
She knows too soon who she is
And bless the hands of a workin' man
He knows his soul is his

So it goes like it goes and the river flows
And time it rolls right on
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better
And maybe what's bad gets gone

Yeh it goes like it goes like the river flows
And time keeps rollin' on
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better
And maybe what's bad gets gone

David L. Shire / Norman Gimbel

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Doing the job hunt thing this morning via various online job boards... a weekly/twice weekly thing

Every so often I do a troll through my old aviation job haunts - thing is, after 18 months of serious job searching, a goodly number of very promising interviews and nadda.... well I wonder sometimes if it isn't time to go and rewrite my dispatch exams, and start applying for dispatch jobs again. It was after all - the one thing I was truly outstandingly good at.

Writing the exams again, applying again, not such a big deal, but there are ... issues. It's a little tough explaining the 4.5 yr gap in my resume, it's a bit tough starting all over again at the bottom, it's a bit tough selling that I'm willing to start all over again at the bottom after having been Chief Dispatcher.

Then the internal thought processes - am I willing to leave my husband and family and commute (probably only sporadically) across the country for .. aviation industry wages? There was a time 15 yrs ago I was excited and enthused about the airline industry I loved the work, I loved the idea of moving 5000 miles to start out on this grand and glorious and exciting path. I'm more tired and jaded than I was in 1999. A spark of that old enthusiasm still burns somewhere in me, but the industry beat enough of that fire out of me... I do wonder if there is any place for me in the airline world anymore. That fire also earned me a reputation (at least at the last position, and on some aviation forums) of being 'difficult', because I believed in doing things right, because I believed in standards; not just regulatory ones, but personal ones as well. And apparently pilots thought I was damned uppity because I believed that co-authority actually meant something.

The ember still burns, but I'm not sure I have it in me to try and rebuild that old flame into a new fire.

Sometimes, something is just past, and done, and it didn't work out the way you expected, and there is no going back and 'fixing' it.

OTOH - I really need a job. But is that reason enough to try and revive a dead career and up end my family and stir up all that old 'stuff'?

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

I applied last November to this same position, but at a different base ...

Shelburne Base was a 90 minute drive - in good weather, but it was a commute I was willing to make for the position, and I did get an interview and interviewed very well.

But I didn't get the job

Saulnierville Base is less than 20 minutes away

While airline dispatch might have been a very different industry, the skill sets and work environments really shouldn't be all that terribly different. Obviously there's not a lot of airline jobs down this end of Nova Scotia, this is about as close to my particular skill set as any job gets. Damn it all - I'm GOOD at this.

I could really use a bit of good mojo right now.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

A couple of weeks about I did a brain dump on some of the stuff that rolls around in my head about the world going to hell in a handbasket, and the mad mad mad world we live in.

Today I'm thinking less about how it's gone mad, from anti-vaxers to creationists to the anti-GMO movement to the all the naturalnews followers and how turmeric cures cancer and immunizing your puppy naturally by taking him to the dog park where he can find the parvo bug, and more about why there seems to be this sudden backlash against science.

While I did think even 20+ years ago that it was inevitable that history teaches that civilizations rise and fall, and that the industrial revolution changed the entire social fabric of society, and I truly believed that the technological revolution would do the same thing, I am genuinely a bit amazed at just how similar those social revolutions are turning out to be.

The industrial revolution turned the world on it's head via the mechanical technological advances of the day speeding up and simplifying the production of goods. Whether or not this was a good thing for society is still some what debated, but it does seem it was both needed, and inevitable. Growing populations needed more things, more work, more goods, and like any evolution the growth of man's knowledge cannot be rolled back. You cannot unlearn a thing that has been learned. Whether individually or collectively. You cannot uninvent a thing that has been invented.

The problem with the industrial revolution was that the manufacturing technology grew faster than the social structure and labour laws could keep up with it. I suspect sometimes that's the nature of periods of growth, it's always a balance but it's a dynamic one, pendulum swings. One innovation leads to another leads to another and the cycle gains momentum and speed and there will always be a segment of society that has trouble keeping up. During the industrial revolution it was the saboteurs and luddites who struggled and fought against the new industrial mechanization of what had previously been hand crafted work. Dicken's depiction of Fezziwig in "A Christmas Carol", shows the fall of an individual who cannot or will not keep up with the changing times.

It would be a long and socially painful process the changing of the world from the pre-industrial revolution to the post, depending on ones view point of the beginning and the ends of that period, over 150 years. The destruction of one social structure is necessary to build another social structure, and it's a bit like the old Chinese curse, "may you live in interesting times". For those who lived in the midst of it, it was a difficult and painful time, for those who inherited the new world order afterwards, it was a better place. Although 'better' is a subjective term or opinion and it's possible that there are those out there who wish we were still living in wattle and daub houses, but I suspect those people might be romantics with little understanding of just what life was like in the Middle Ages.

On the heels of the end of the industrial revolution the technological revolution begun. Like it's predecessor innovation spawned innovation and the whole process gained momentum and that which is invented cannot be uninvented and you can't put the genie back in the bottle. Is this a good thing? That too is still open for debate. But good or not, you can't unlearn what has been learned. As the technology speeds forward, there is a segment of the population that cannot or will not keep up with the changing times. For those of us who are living in the midst of it, it is a difficult and painful time, for those who will inherit the new world order afterwards, I believe it will be a better place. Although 'better' is a subjective term or opinion and it's possible that there will those out there who will wish they were still living as we did in the 1950's, but I suspect those people might be romantics with little understanding of just what life was like in the Mid Century Modern Age.

The difference I think will be that whereas the industrial revolution was something akin to 150 years, the technological revolution looks like it'll be about half that. It's a whirl wind bumpy ride, and it's not over yet. For many it is scary, even terrifying.

For those who are excited by the innovation and change and social growth and evolution of the society of mankind this is a wonderful time. But what of the others? Those who would throw their wooden clogs into the looms?

I rather like the Arthur C. Clarke quote, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". Magic by it's very definition is a mystery. People fear what they don't understand. The world isn't all rocket scientists, biochemical engineers, or computer programmers, and by and large most of us don't understand all the technological changes happening around us. Add in to that mix that by and large people are reluctant to change the known for the unknown, and the next thing you know people are burning the hayricks.

I'm not completely immune to the affects of this, I'm still puttering along on my Windows XP machine saying "I know it works and I don't want to learn a whole new system", and I grumble on about "cloud computing and not trusting big server banks out there, I'll keep my own damned files thank you very much" and I'm reminded of the grandparents who kept their money stuffed in their mattresses fearing the banks as being insecure after the financial crash and the depression. No I don't want need and any of those darned new fangled 'smart' devices and "HEY! you darned kids get off my lawn."

The whole business calls on us for a certain amount of trust. We want to believe that as higher order mammals we have collectively a control over our destiny as a species. I'm not sure we do. In the end it won't matter whether I believe in online file storage, (I don't like it, but I'm learning to live with it). The world will keep moving forward whether I keep up or not. Social and technological evolution will keep moving forward whether the vaccination deniers and the anti-GMO crowds keep up or not, and we'll continue to live in interesting times, and the world will be a different (and I sincerely hope, better) place for our children and grand children. What I trust is that the universe is going to keep spinning on it's axis and even if it wasn't there's not too bloody much I can do to change that, I can only make my time here and hopefully my children's time here, a little bit better. The universe will sort itself out.


Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Life is constantly changing and evolving.... little tiny bits every day, and sometimes you get a bigger curve ball thrown at you.

Did I think that this is where we'd be a year down the road at this time last year? Nope. The reality never matches the dream exactly. That's not a bad thing. It's just a thing. We went through the cash faster than we thought, funds for a little investment property or into the business never really happened. This isn't a big surprise neither one of us is what one would call 'good with money', but that's not a bad thing either, we know it, and for the most part we're comfortable with it.

It did mean though that push come to shove eventually there was going to have to be money coming in. So I went looking for work. There were the usual part time jobs at the local grocery bakery counter, assistant manager at Walmart, product demonstrators, and I applied for them all. But then there came along two other opportunities that looked very interesting.

Fisheries Observer. One opportunity was on dock, the other was an on-board position. I haven't heard back anything on the land based job yet, but I went to the information session and interview on Monday for the on-board position. Surprisingly - I've been hired on. It does scare me just a little - while the job is essentially data collection, which is not too challenging for me to handle, life on board a working fishing vessel is going to be somewhat physically demanding. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure my body will bounce back from three years of being fairly sedentary fairly quickly, it's mostly going to be two or three days at a time, for a total of 10-12 days a month. It could grow into more if I want it to. And it's not like I'm a stranger to hard work, I've done flooring and tiling and weeding the garden bent over for 3 hours straight. But still that aspect of it is intimidating. The money is certainly better than the dock based job and will do us quite handily... we'd be comfortable.

The work cycle - 2-3 days away from home on the boats is a definite life style change for us. Again though 10-12 days a month... that's a lot of time still free to deal with the dogs and the gardens and the house and my honey and go out places and the folks I've been working with at Pilots N Paws Canada are immensely supportive. However, it's a lifestyle change and one we have to make together. James is worried, he's admitted that, but he's also pleased for me, and I believe that, and it could be a really exciting adventure, and he gets to live it vicariously through me. I did promise him life with me would never be boring. Of course there is a certain amount of risk involved and that scares him just a little too, but there's risk in everything.

So while part of me is crying out that we really LIKE our nice quiet sedentary life, this is an adventure and more of me is saying "this is just the kick in the pants my life needs", a complete left turn out of no-where and those have always turned out well for me in my life - even when I wasn't sure it would. This feels excitingly *right* - or it could be a blood sugar crash *grins*

Four weeks of classroom training starts Monday, then it'll be out to the boats. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm looking forward to it - and I've got NO idea how this part of the adventure is going to turn out.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

The past six+ months since James and I moved here have been kind of .. well a bit of limbo. For two years we'd been so focused on getting the house ready to sell and then getting it sold and where were we going to move to..... and then *poof* all that was done.

So been quietly looking for new foci - where am I going from here? And yes there's the baking and the dogs and getting the gardens established, would like to be working on the house, and lots of plans for the future but there's no cash for that. But really, I need a job, the rest of it feels like a hobby and it might one day become a job - but not till there's some investment capital.

So, I've been looking at my skills. We're pretty blessed rural so outside work is a bit scarce. What I really need is internet based work. As it turned out the perfect job kinda fell into my lap - utilizing my aviation industry experience and my past involvement with animal rescue and my general organizational prowess. Then this morning a Facebook page offered me an admin position to contribute and update on their page. Again - it was stuff right up my alley.

Both are intensely satisfying, present their own challenges, are interesting and I get a lot of support and kindness from the people I'm working with. Neither is all that terribly time consuming right now, and it fits into my life.

In other words - the perfect jobs - for me - at this stage of my life. Only problem is:

They don't pay.

I keep thinking there's got to be a way to parlay this into a little income. Not from the folks above - those are volunteer positions and I'm HAPPY to volunteer. But surely there are gigs out there like them I run my own lifestyle blog - but that doesn't pay either. I've admined forums before. I know there are folks out there doing freelance internet 'stuff' and making a wee bit of money at it (no I don't expect to be pulling in 6 bills). Thing is I don't do ghost writing well, I can't 'sound' like anyone but myself, but I can write like myself very well. My google-fu is second only to Him's. I'm redesigning and maintaining my daughter's professional art website. I'm not a bad photographer, and getting better, and I'm fairly adept with making photo-essay books. I have this rather cool grab bag of skills (and a few of James's I can lean on when needs be) - I'm just not sure how, or where to start to turn them into making some kind of an income.

So mad mad mad mad followers .... give me some mad mad mad mad idea ......

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

We met yesterday with the trainer. He seemed ok, I like him, but we didn't really hit it off well - seemed sometimes like he wanted to spend more time talking - then listening to what I saw/know/history - but then sometimes I like to talk to much too.

As regards the puppy, the good news and there's bad news: we're doing all the right things, if we keep it up, and as she gets older and less in his face bouncy he might learn to tolerate her. The question James and I are asking ourselves is "if we're doing the right things and it's not getting better after two months, do we continue to allow Buddy to be depressed and miserable and short change both Buddy and Muriel on our time and attention at a time that should be the joyous celebration of turning helping Muriel grow into the wonderful and beautiful dog she is? And what if in six months it's still not working? In six months Muriel will be much harder to rehome, adapting to a new home far more traumatic for her, and harder for her new owners to adapt her into the dog they want her to be.

It's breaking our hearts, but we've come to the conclusion we're going to have to rehome Muriel - truth is I think right now, if we continued on we'd be doing it for selfish reasons, because we love that little puppy and would love to have her in our lives. But not because it's the best thing for her, or for Buddy. Muriel deserves a place where she is welcomed by ALL the family. Every dog does.

It seems, we are a two dog family.

As for the trainer - I think he's probably great for classes and teaching people basic obedience, but he didn't really seem to get the 'why' of why I was thinking of putting Muriel through an obedience class - I have the 8 handouts from Buddy and Kilo's classes - I can teach sit, stay, down, stay, (and she already has a very solid grasp of sit and a loose grasp of stay), but I wanted her to have the doggie socialization that a class would give her. She was welcome to come of course - I just didn't get that "oh yes, that's a great reason to want her to come here" reaction I'd have expected. He didn't seem either to have a lot to say/offer about my concerns regarding Buddy's socialization or the interaction between Buddy and Kilo that and how that dynamic plays into it.

So it looks like I'm on my own working through Buddy's stuff - I think I know what I'm doing, but it does feel a bit .... lonely, a mentor through this process would have been really really nice. But it seems it's gonna just be the Budmeister and me :)

Soooooooooooo I'm a bit fragile this morning, but important lessons have been learned. I'm feeling a bit knocked on my ass - money is tight, James is leaving in a week, Muriel will be rehomed and Buddy and I are on our own - but knock me on my ass lead me down a road of hope that turns into a dead end and I will invent a way to dust myself off and get back up and find a new road. I'm just not sure that it is this morning.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Well 16 days till we have to pack the truck and actually start the moving process.

We have the utilities mostly set up, phone and power, we'll order heating oil when we get there. James is working on getting the Eastlink highspeed wireless internet service arranged, and getting all the websites moved over to the new server service.

The camper has been bought, and arranged to get it in for MOT inspection on Tuesday, dogs are off to the vet's on Monday, picking up a trailer to haul away the garbage as well. And we've got a quote on the insurance, so that'll be alright. Home inspection happens tomorrow, and the paperwork has all been sent off to the lawyers.

I've got a couple guys hired (least one, who thinks he has a mate who'd help), hired him through kijiji - hopefully they come through for us :)

There's still a lot of packing and cleaning to do - but I think we might be in good shape. Still have to see about moving help on the other end. Oh and mustn't forget the mail forwarding!

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Taking today off, and probably tomorrow as well...

It's been an emotional week. The whole business really from the beginning has been an emotional roller coaster and now we're on our way down the final really BIG hill. We'll reach the bottom one way or another, either face planted in the snow, or still on our skis, the bottom is gonna come either way.

Last Friday night was the emotional turmoil of yet another offer on the table and getting through that nail biter, then there was putting The Feychild and her dog on a plane on Monday, and getting ready for another home inspection (yesterday) and in the middle of it all plan another trip to Nova Scotia for James to try and find us a home to move into on September 28th, and then we found out that somehow the entire papertrail for the Nissan recall for the Pathfinder that we've been dealing with for the last 4 months has vanished and will need to be started all over again, and we NEED that cash, plus trying to figure out the HOW of moving all our stuff and us and 2 dogs and 4 cats to Nova Scotia - yes 4 cats, because we lost our newest and littlest household member the wee fluffy Fibonacci this week...

In the meantime, there's been highly emotional discussions ongoing with a family member, a discussion I said initially point blank I don't want to have. I've made it clear I'm stepping out of it. And there's a LJ net friend who's been wrestling with emotional issues and I don't mind helping out with insight, but sometimes it's a bit tough, and sometimes it's hard for people to see the forest for the trees.... I want to be very kind and very patient, they will get there, but in the meantime I feel like a rung out dishrag and don't want to deal with any of it. But I do.

In a word, we're emotionally and physically exhausted, and there is still so much to do. We won't know the results of the home inspection until Monday evening, but really there shouldn't be anything there that we're not fully aware of, and either have answers for or a plan to deal with. However, if it does get weird, we are prepared to walk away from it. Although that too would be very hard, very weird, and very straining. Point is tonight, we just don't know.

So, I'm feeling a bit strung out, like I want to panic, but not panicking, just holding it all together is taking a bit of an effort and a lot of barbed wire right now. Not sure a day off helps .... besides I still need to get something sorted for an agent in the Digby area for James, and write up an itinerary for him and arrange accommodations and - actually yes I do feel better if I just keep working through it. It's moments like these when I stop for a bit, no matter how much it's needed, that my brain just starts going through the million and one things still need doing, buying, arranging, and..... the rats are loose this weekend. I should do something like spend a day baking - some broiche, or a nice puff pastry, maybe try my hand at croissants again, but it feels like too much effort, just want to crawl into bed with my blanket over my head, then I do that... and all I can hear is the pitter patter of little rat feet.

So, come Monday, I'll be back on my horse and riding into tomorrow with sword in hand to mow down all this 'needs doing now' stuff, and one day soon.... oh in about a month's+ time it'll all be over - will I be face planted in the snow? Will I be still on my feet, I suspect we'll be still on our feet, but it won't be an elegant olympic run - more Eddy the Eagle than Crazy Canuck. We'll hit the finish line - and then I'll fall apart.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

I've just watched the truck haul away 1200 lbs of furniture, books, dishes, clothes and stuffed toys that are the total of my daughter's life up till now.

Fortunately I have a week to try and steel myself for that moment when I send her on through security at the airport to board a plane into her future.

Unfortunately it's gonna take more than a week to get used to this idea.

This is HARD.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Yes, after 6 weeks on the market we have a solid offer on the house. There was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing on Friday and back and forth and sweating and $500 here, $1000 there.... but we have a deal. A solid deal. Yes, we would have liked more, but we are content that we got a fair shake, the incoming owners got a fair shake. All is right in the world. Yesterday was spent signing paperwork, getting over the shock, eating good steak and a couple bottles of wine, and a good night's sleep.

Only thing left standing is a home inspection to be completed this week. We don't anticipate any issues with that. By Friday we should have an unconditional contract in our hands. Soooooo stage 2 is complete.

Stage 3 is a biggie. We have seven weeks - September 17th, to a) find a place in Nova Scotia, b) close the deal there c) move the Feychild to Ottawa, d) move the Manchild into town e) arrange and move us, 5 cats, and 2 dogs to Nova Scotia. This entails a huge number of logistics, fortunately I have a good moving company already lined up (and we're paying them a small FORTUNE to make it happen), but there's still a lot of questions in the air. Moving the dogs? We'd like to find a used camper for under $5000 to do that, barring that a small cargo van, barring that one of us will go on ahead and the dogs will fly Air Canada Cargo (not something I want to do!). Moving the Feychild and the Rat Dog to Ottawa? I'm hoping the cheapest way is to put her on a plane, and ship her stuff with the moving company (waiting to hear back from them) otherwise, we'll just ship her boxes, and give her cash to buy some used furniture when she gets there. Moving the Manchild into town? He needs to find a job and an apartment or somewhere to live, and we've got to arrange the driving lessons for him. Moving the Jag? Well need to get that running ... battery + fuel pump, we hope! Don't know yet if we're sending it with the movers, or towing it ourselves behind the camper. There's a half dozen jobs around the house to be done before closing. Remove debris, remove tin shed, replace back door with a steel one.

Seven weeks.

Battle stations everyone!

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Hurmmmmmmmm ..

I'd be willing to discuss though what IS the economic destruction or saving of North America look like?

This article would seem to propose that 'craftmanship' could save America. I personally like the idea of promoting the skilled trades, and craftsmanship and like the author have often bemoaned the deteriorisation of taking pride in skilled labour.

This isn’t a lament — or not merely a lament — for bygone times. It’s a social and cultural issue, as well as an economic one. The Home Depot approach to craftsmanship — simplify it, dumb it down, hire a contractor — is one signal that mastering tools and working with one’s hands is receding in America as a hobby, as a valued skill, as a cultural influence that shaped thinking and behavior in vast sections of the country.

I suppose by all rights it is an over romantised view, and terribly nostalgic. However, there does seem to be some quiet movement / backlash against the disposable society happening. There's been a quiet steady growth in things like lifestyle blogs, things like barrels for growing "100 lbs of potatoes from a single barrel" at amazon.uk

A recent UCLA associated study seems to indicate that while Americans can 'have it all' they're miserable, and have no place to put it.

I do know that I walked out of a job I hated, am selling up my suburban home and looking to buy one for 1/3 the cost, in order to go back to a way of life based on craftsmanship. Doing for one's self for us it's not about independence so much as it is about creative expression, that sense of joy and accomplishment that makes a salad make with your own tomatoes taste better. I like the idea of dealing with craftspeople and micro-economies.

So I guess the question (if there is one in all this rambling) is: has the mass manufacturing, mass market, building more, building cheaper, based economies grown beyond their ability to self sustain themselves? Are we moving quietly back to more micro economies? Is this a good thing? Is it a greenie thing? Is it just a handful of weirdos in hemp skirts and birkenstocks singing Kumbaya, or are we at the front of a revolution towards a new world order?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Yes. It's true. Everything is better with bacon. And now thanks to what Julia Child started on PBS decades ago, and is now continued on by networks like The Foodnetwork and the cooking channel and still by PBS and even the likes of the Travel channel, and the History network people are now vicariously being exposed to more and more 'secrets' of cooks and chefs.

The magic of mixing salty with sweet, which like many 'insider' bon mots, is now being shared with the great unwashed masses - you and me - and is no longer the soul providence of epicureans. You may recall our recent post about Nigella Lawson's Salted Caramel.

Bacon as a sweet treat, once held only by geeks and nerds and fandom based websites selling novelties to baconies across the country and around the world.

And what was wrong with that?

Nothing.
No really. Bacon is one of those perfect foods. I can think of no other that has such a wide spread loyal carnivrous fandom. No restaurant, no foodstuff, no dessert or ham or hamburger garners such devotion love and praise!

But it deserves better than novelty lollipops or bacon flavoured chewing gum. Chefs knew this. And now, with widespread TV food and chefs and cooks you and I know it too.

Eric Ripert of Le Bernardin restaurant in NYC. Easily one of the finest restaurants, and one of the finest chefs in America today. One of those chefs that other cooks get a glassy eyed look over when they hear his name, they want to be him, and they want to eat his food. Beloved and envied. Eric shares on his website, and his PBS show 'Avec Eric' his simple and brilliant recipe for Bacon Ice cream. It's hard not to at the very least be intruiged and at least want to try it .. if nothing else for sheer novelty.

Alton Brown in his series Good Eats also did his bit to convince us all that salty and sweet belong together. His recipe for Praline Bacon is enough to get any fan of the pork product drooling.


Now you can serve ice cream on it's own, but that lacks a certain panache. I don't have figs to roast, and wine caramel might be a bit too much of a stretch for the tastes of the household. One tastebud hurtle at a time. So I had to figure what else I could serve bacon ice cream with. The answer seemed obvious. Dark chocolate. Something light and crispy. With the egg whites left from the ice cream custard the answer was... dark chocolate meringue cookies. That one I made up as I went:

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.
4 eggs whites, a pinch of salt, 1/8 tsp cream of tarter - whip to stiff peaks
continue to whip, add 225 gr of golden (soft) brown sugar, or fine raw sugar.
when stiff and glossy, add 25 gr of cocoa stir in well.
add 1/2 cup of finely grated dark chocolate.

Use a piping bag to pipe 2 tsp rounds onto your prepared baking sheet. Bake in preheated 285°F for 40 minutes until dry and crispy on the outside and chewy inside.

So when the cookies were cooled, they were plated with a scoop of bacon ice cream. The ice cream was topped with the cooled praline bacon chopped into a course crumble.


The result is ... stunning. Conciousness altering. The ice cream gives a strong smokey aroma of bacon but the taste is subtle gentle elegant. I had thought about adding maple to the bacon ice cream but I'm so glad I didn't, it would have overwhelmed the delicate flavour. The combination and juxaposition of crispy cookies, and creamy ice cream, of sweet and salty, the aroma of the smokey bacon, and the gentle rich deep flavour of the dark chocolate. It all worked perfectly. Individually the single elements are amazing - together they transcend to something that will change your life, or at least your perceptions of what food is or can be.

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Oh my.. oh my ohmyohmyohmy....


This is an MKT90 mobile army field kitchen (MAFK???)...
Dear hubby sent me the links - it's for sale.

For $5000

I want.

I want this like I've never wanted anything in my life.

It's my 'food truck' - with panache. It's my canteen. It's my tourist trap food stand with yum. It's my EXACTLY what I need.

And it just ain't gonna happen.

I'm in tears.

I'd sell my first born child (but ain't no one paying $5000)...
$5000 is just so close to being ALMOST doable. Wrong time wrong place. Don't have $5000. It's in Ottawa, which wouldn't be so tough from Nova Scotia, from Newfoundland... pretty much impossible.

*CRY*


(more pictures here: http://militarytrucks.ca/for_sale.htm - bottom of the page)

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

Ok, really I gotta see about getting back ON my horse :)

I had intended all along to take the month of December 'off'. Forgoing working on the house for the holidays and company and all that happy stuff. I was going to use the break however to catch up a lot of other things. Blog posts for instance. Of course a month turned into 5 weeks when I just couldn't get it together last week, but I'm mostly back in harness today.

Ok... I really fell down on the whole paperwork thing. I'm gonna have to be as strict with budgeting my time for the next couple months as I am about budgeting my diet. I did give myself a month off there too. I'm really NOT good at cooking and baking, planning and building holiday meals and then NOT eating them. LOL. The good news is that I really only gained 2 or 3 pounds outta this food vacation (and considering yule logs and puff pastry and much wine and ... that's really quite surprising). Anyway I'm back on the food wagon of carefully monitored and measured meals, and back on the stationary bike. I've actually been looking forward to getting back to this - a month of rich foods and creamy desserts really is about all I can handle. A nice light chicken stir fry sounds delightful!

I did get my house hunting pages caught up over the weekend, so I can go back to that now. I got as caught up as I'm gonna be with the blogs this morning. Hopefully tomorrow I can get caught up on the forums. Then I can start dealing with the paperwork thing and filling in the missing holes in this blog for instance.

8am-8:30 - exercise
8:30am-11:30am - computer/office/paperwork
11:30am-noon - food
noon-7pm - construction work
7pm-11pm - dinner and TV
11pm-8am - sleep

Originally posted to: The Plan® comment there or here

I know, it's only Tuesday.

But I spend a goodly portion of Sunday finally cleaning the last of the construction dust, dog hair, and general crud out of the bedroom so that maybe we can sleep better. More work Monday on getting the subfloor up in the family room, unfortunately because of my arthritis I can only get about 60 nails or so up with the nail remover before my arm wants to fall off. So I went back to doing more work in the bedroom and finished up.

This morning I feel like crap, everything from the third vertebrae down aches, my head aches, my throat is sore, and my ears are ringing. I feel like I have the flu (yes a real flu not the Newfoundland 'flu' - which is really a cold, but not that I have a real flu, it just feels like a real flu but.... aww heck! ), but without the fever. So I called in sick and am spending the day in bed, and in front of the computer, and my beloved hubby is bringing me food.

It's been strange. James and I have both been plagued by what seems to be a very low grade bug the last couple weeks. Tired achey no energy headachey lack of appetite head blocked up and ears ringing - but not really sick, more like we were getting over being sick. It's been most inconvenient and very frustrating and each of us thinking it was psychosomatic - accept we were both hit the same way at the same time. I was really starting to feel better Thursday and Friday, so tackling the bedroom on Sunday didn't seem like such a big deal - but it definitely feels like I over did it and what ever it is that's knocking us on our asses has relapsed.

So with tired achey not entirely there head, I'm writing long introspective posts. Probably better I go back to bed.

Originally posted to: http://www.oceans-edge.com/blog/?p=79 comment there or here